


Sumireko Usami Summons Satan

by DraconicHex



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Language, Occult, Possible Gayness, Somebody Please Give Her Friendship, Sumireko Just Needs Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 22:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8464618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraconicHex/pseuds/DraconicHex
Summary: Sumireko decides to summon the ruler of the world of Hell, with somewhat interesting consequences.





	

Sumireko knew everything there was to know about Hell. She knew about shinigami, Enma, and kishin, and she knew exactly how to deal with each of them in order to prevent a nasty encounter from occurring. She knew about the many Hells, and the kinds of torture inflicted in each. (She was especially interested in the Mountain of Needles. How big of a mountain? Actually mountain-sized, or just a mound of them?) She knew that she would probably be visiting one of them at least once after her life was over, for her soul’s judging. And, of course, because Sumireko knew all these things, she considered herself perfectly prepared to summon the Lord of Hell himself. With her knowledge and experience with supernatural beings combined, she was more than capable of dealing with any demon that came her way, no matter how terrifying.

 

As Sumireko set up her ritual, butterflies started to flutter in her stomach. What if she couldn’t stand up to the supernatural? Admittedly, she’d defeated youkai before, but the devil himself… she was nervous. What if her wards failed? Oh well, too late to worry about that now!

 

She set up the final candle, and said the incantation. “I, Usami Sumireko, summon you, Ruler of Hell!”

 

A fuschia glow filled the room, so bright Sumireko had to close her eyes. She heard a humming noise begin to sound, and then something thudded to the floor. The humming stopped. She opened one eye.

 

Sitting in a dusty heap in the middle of her floor was… a teenage girl? Admittedly, a teenage girl with a very odd fashion sense, judging from her tricolor plaid skirt and black t-shirt with the words “Welcome Hell” on it. And a hat that… was better left unmentioned. The girl coughed a few times and then sat up.

 

“The hell is going on? I was just talking to Yamaxanadu, and then I feel a weird tugging feeling and suddenly I’m in the middle of some kid’s homemade pentagram. Aren’t pentagrams a bit old fashioned, anyway? And shouldn’t summoning magic be impossible to perform when you’re on Earth? Impossible my ass, apparently. Who are you, anyway, kid?”

 

Sumireko just stared. 

 

“Hey, speak up, kid! Can’t figure out why you summoned me if you just stand there with your mouth open like a fish. I’m a very busy lady, by some definitions of the word ‘busy’, so tell me what’s going on or I’m gonna scoot.”

 

Sumireko shut her mouth, and then opened it again to ask one very simple, innocuous question. “Are you Satan?”

 

“Satan? That’s kinda more like a title than a name, ya know? I go by Hecatia these days. Hecatia Lapislazuli. Pleased to meetcha.”

 

“But anyway, kid, why did ya summon me? Deals with the devil don’t tend to work out too well- the job and all- and most people don’t summon demons for shits and giggles. So what’s up?”

 

Sumireko turned a light shade of pink. Dare she tell this woman why she actually summoned her? Yes indeed, she dared. “I just… kinda wanted to meet you. I’m pretty lonely, actually, so I wanted to have someone to talk to, and I’m really interested in the occult, so I thought I’d summon the ruler of Hell, and, well, here you are. Do you wanna go somewhere, or something? I made the wards last twelve hours, so I’m afraid you’re stuck here, but there’s no reason not to make it fun!”

 

Hecatia, as she was now known, just stared. Did this… kid… think that she’d somehow made wards strong enough to control her? She had made a grave error, the goddess thought as she attempted to send herself back to her body in Hell- and gave herself a slight shock. She couldn’t return. She was actually going to have to spend twelve hours with an overexcitable teenager in a cape.

 

Said overexcited teenager in a cape bounced over to her desk and picked up a notebook. “This is my notebook of all the places I want to go with my friends! Of course, it’s a bit difficult to do that with no friends. But you can visit them with me! There’s the library, the cafe, and oh! I know! We could watch a movie together!”

 

Hecatia nodded, while trying to figure out how a high-school first year would have found out how to put up wards. She couldn’t have possibly had any actual interaction with the world of magic, so how the hell had she managed that? Kid was more impressive than she let on. “Hey, how’d you learn to put up wards so well, anyway? Not a skill most kids your age know. Who taught ya?”

 

Sumireko, in the middle of fumbling through her hard drive for movies, turned around a full 180 degrees and said: “Learned it from Reimu! She said that ‘if you’re going to spend any time whatsoever in Gensokyo outside the village, you’re going to need something else than your psychokinesis’. So she taught me wards! She’s really good at it, too. Probably ‘cause she’s been doing it so long.”

 

“Reimu, huh… as in Hakurei Reimu? Because I met her a bit ago, and she was in such a foul mood that I think she’d probably have preferred someone to die rather than to have to teach them a single, solitary thing.”

 

Sumireko grinned. “You too? She beat me up last spring, and she seemed really mad at the time, but she warms up to people awfully quickly! It helps that I bothered her for nine days on end and didn’t stop till she taught me warding, but hey, I’m sure that in time she’d be nice enough to you too! Even if you are the literal Ruler of Hell, you seem like a cool person to get to know.”

 

Hecatia was more and more impressed by the hyperactive kid in a cape every second. But she really didn’t feel like watching a movie right now, despite Sumireko’s enthusiastic efforts. “Hey kid, how about we go out for a bit first? It’s like noon. Can’t watch a scary movie at noon, and they’re my faves. So maybe the park or something?” 

 

“OH OH OH! We can definitely go to the park! But I think the cafe’s better first, since you’ve gotta be hungry working in Hell all the time, right?”

 

Hecatia decided not to tell her new friend that she was a goddess and did not need physical sustenance. “...Right. What do they have at the cafe?”

 

“Oh, awesome stuff! Like really fancy coffees, and tiny scones. But usually I just buy a huge hot chocolate. Do you like hot chocolate?”

 

Hecatia did indeed like hot chocolate. “Lead the way to this cafe. Sounds cool.”

 

At the cafe, the unusual pair caught quite a few glances, especially with Hecatia’s blue hair and eccentric hat. They had money, though, enough to pay for two large hot chocolates. And so it was that the goddess of Hell and a very excited ESPer were sitting at a cafe window, talking about the fate of the universe.

 

“But I don’t think it’s all gonna fall to entropy, you know? There’s so many magical beings out there, one of them’s gonna take a liking to the universe and prevent its heat death. Maybe it’ll be you! Since with no universe, there’s no Hell for you to govern, and you’d be super bored! Unless you can’t do that, in which case you’d have to ask somebody else to do it for you and hope they cared enough about the universe to help you.”

 

The middle-aged man sitting behind Sumireko slowly got up and moved across the cafe. The blonde woman taking tea and reading a newspaper with a picture of what appeared to be a fireworks show on it did not. Hecatia was enthralled by how humans reacted to the occult becoming mundane.

 

“But then again, maybe the laws of physics get stronger than the laws of magic eventually. Then the universe’ll be in a real pickle, and I guess it eventually will spiral out into heat death! But that’s okay too, I guess, since I won’t be around to see it! But maybe you will, which’ll be sad, actually. Hope that doesn’t happen.”

 

Hecatia thought that the entire point of the laws of magic was that they broke the laws of physics. That’s just what they did, even if they sometimes did bear a passing resemblance to quantum uncertainty. “Kid, you sure spend a lot of time thinking about things that’ll never affect you. You’re either gonna go far, or have an existential crisis at like age 16. That would be a total waste. But if ya do manage to go far, I kinda wanna see ya do it, ya know? Because you seem interesting, and to be honest ruling Hell is about the most boring job in the universe. ‘Oh, we’re over budget again in the Freezing Hell, Lady Hecatia!’ ‘Lady Junko is inciting the souls of the dead to war against the Lunarians, Lady Hecatia!’ Boring stuff like that. Maybe I should come to the human world more often. You’re not boring. None of the other humans I’ve met are, either. So I wanna spend some more time with you!”

 

Sumireko started staring again. The Ruler of Hell… wanted to be her friend? An actual, real friend? Someone she could hang out with on weekends, talk about new horror movies with, drink giant hot chocolates with? A friend? 

 

“I WOULD LOVE TO BE YOUR FRIEND, HECATIA! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY!” Sumireko hollered, not caring that everyone in the entire cafe was staring at her, including the one she was talking to.

 

“Uh, kid, I guess I’d love to be your friend too. Wanna go back to your place and watch a movie? ‘Cause I think if we stay here any longer, the barista’s gonna kick us out by throwing fancy scones at us. So let’s go!”

 

After the movie, Hecatia had to leave (the Enma would be so angry at her, she wouldn’t even be exempt from her lectures with her status) and Sumireko happily went to sleep, thinking about her first real friend, and what they’d do next weekend.


End file.
